When I first realised this about my marriage it took me another two years before I actually did anything about it, that’s how deeply entrenched I was in my suffering and the belief that everything was going to be ok, when deep down I knew the only way my life was going to improve was if drastic changes were made. It takes inner strength and will to make positive changes, it seldom happens overnight but what’s important is that there is a willingness to do something and with honesty there is space to give attention to whatever needs to be seen and heard.
Having an expectation (or belief) that others ‘should’ be honest is delusional. It is not healthy to demand or expect honesty from others. Do not concern yourself with what others do, say or think as this preoccupation is futile and it detracts you from your true nature and purpose. If others are not being honest, remember it is their failing, not yours. Your choice is simple, do you wish to accept this person for who they are or do you wish to distance yourself from them? Either way, judgement has no place here as there is no need to judge or upset yourself, all you need to do is be honest with yourself and make the right choices. Suffering comes when we focus too much attention to our thoughts, beliefs, assumptions and judgements. Imagine if you could spend a whole day without paying attention to any negative thoughts…who would you be without suffering?
So the best place to start is by looking at what Honesty really means. Can you be totally honest with yourself and others? To begin with focus on one thing that you are not happy about and see if you can look through (at) the situation from a different perspective?
An example might be that you find it difficult to say ‘no’ to people. (family members, work colleagues etc.) you don’t want to let anyone down but actually it’s to your own detriment that you do not put yourself first and prioritise what’s of value.
The irony is, people respect you more when you speak ‘your truth’